Please enjoy today’s Elbert Hubbard
moment for April 11th, 2011. Have a happy International “Louie Louie” Day. Interesting fact: The most used letter in the
English alphabet is ‘E’, and ‘Q’ is the least used!! (Isn’t that the
truth? I have a friend who has at three “e”s
in her first name and no “q”s whatsoever.)
“One machine can do
the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary
man.” Elbert Hubbard
I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s
extremely deep Word of the Day. This may
be true but the Sham Wow is still amazing.
1 Peter 2:24
Monday Weird Story
A Crazy Twist of Fate
Bill? He’s in bad shape. He had to have his appendix removed.”
his hands in the air. “Well, doesn’t
that just take the cake? Do you think someone might have thought it was
important to let me know before it was time for us to go out on the field? Where the heck am I supposed to find a goalie
now? This is supposed to be big league
soccer, and you guys act like you don’t really care.”
looked toward the ground. “I don’t know
what to say. Nobody thought he was going
to have his appendix removed. The only
reason he went to the doctor in the first place is because he cut his foot and
thought he needed stitches. The next
thing you know he gets hit by a truck in the parking lot and then do to some
crazy twist of fate, the doctor discovers that he has appendicitis. Nobody saw that coming.”
Jack took a
deep breath. It was as if someone
upstairs really didn’t like him. He was
quite sure none of the other coaches had this problem. He thought perhaps he should give up coaching
soccer altogether and pursue an easier sport, like baseball. Giving Jerry a steely glare he finally
blurted, “Fine, I guess we’ll have to put in what’s his name. Good grief!
Is he even any good?”
he’s not. His name is Misty, by the
“Misty? Isn’t that a girl’s name? Never mind! Put him on the field, and tell
the other players they better keep the ball on the opponent’s end of the field. We’re playing soccer not water polo.”
Polo? What does that even mean?”
the guy out there so he has time to warm up before the game.”
found Misty, he was on the bench asleep.
Misty had never actually played in a game. He felt he was mostly there for moral
support. That’s why he was asleep.
prodded him. “Wake up. You’re playing.”
rubbed his head in the fashion that most people do after being woken from a
deep sleep. “Since when do I have to
“Are you on
the team or not?”
but I have never had to play before.”
you’re playing now and you better not let anyone score a goal.”
why I am the goalie, right?”
choose to be smart with me. I don’t like
this any better than you do.”
went out on the field and a game of soccer began. It wasn’t a particularly good game of soccer,
but then those in attendance had come to expect a subpar performance. What they had not expected was for the
Vicious Gerbils to win without giving up a goal. Misty was insane! He was leaping and blocking like no one could
even imagine. A few people in the stands
decided to pinch themselves to see if they were actually dreaming and wound up
with extreme pinching trauma.
game was over the celebration for the Vicious Gerbils was huge. This was there first win in a long time and
everyone was astonished. How was it that
Misty had been sitting on the bench all this time? Nobody seemed to remember a time when he had
performed particularly well during practice. The fact that he seemed to have
all this phenomenal talent led the coaches to believe that Misty had been
trying to bench himself on purpose. This
didn’t seem to make much sense.
It was and
unusual situation, but one that needed to be addressed. Jack gave Misty, who was currently seated
before him in his office, a long hard stare.
Finally, he spoke up, “It seems you have placed me in quite a
predicament. Bill has always been our
star goalie, but your performance the other day was really something else.”
would hate to cause any trouble for Bill.”
question on everyone’s mind is how come nobody knew that you seemed to have
blushed slightly, “Well, I have been practicing.”
you been practicing? You certainly have not been practicing during practice
time. Until the last game, no one has
seen you put much of any effort into whatsoever. We were ready to cut you from the team.”
stared at his feet as if they would provide Jack with the answer. “Well, I’ve been practicing on my own, a
“What? You were phenomenal! I have never seen anyone play the goalie
position as well as you did last game!
How much time are you practicing on your own and why hasn’t it shown in
any of the practices? Surely, you improvement
could not have gone unnoticed.”
certainly weren’t shy last game.” Jack
gave Misty a piercing glare and Misty started to squirm. Jack knew full well there was more to the
story then what Misty was telling. He had
suspicions. “You know? It was a freaky thing, the way Bill has a
sudden bought of medical problems before the big game. It’s mighty suspicious if you ask me.”
no longer handle the strain of his guilt.
He wept openly for what seemed like a good five minutes. Jack shifted in
his seat uncomfortably. When the
waterworks start, it’s no fun for anyone.
Misty finally exclaimed, “You got me. I
have not been practicing. I used voodoo
magic. It’s all voodoo magic. I wanted to play, but I knew I was bad. You don’t think I knew I was bad? I was
downright awful. That’s why I called on
the voodoo spirits to help me play, and arranged a bit of bad luck for Bill
using a voodoo doll. It wasn’t just for
me. It was for the team. Look!
We won! You can’t fault me for
wanting to help the team.”
fault Misty for wanting to help the team and he did. The league had a strict “no voodoo magic
“rule. Not only was Misty kicked from
the team, he was banned from the league.
They wouldn’t even let him watch.
This is why it’s important to remember that voodoo and sports do not
mix. Voodoo soccer is almost as crazy as
Jedi chess. It’s not something you want
to be caught at.
Shades of Plaid is now available. It took longer than expected,
however I am now beside myself with joy because the book is out. Being
beside oneself is not all it’s cracked up to be. I might start arguing
with myself in a bit. In the meantime, here are ways to get to the book.
It’s now in paperback https://www.createspace.com/3521456